Being with Ram Dass now
Today is December 23, 2019 and yesterday evening, on Maui, Ram Dass dropped his body.
Today there will be many posts about Ram Dass. His life impacted millions of us searching for deeper spiritual connection–for ways through life’s drama to the light–past illusions, past despair, to hope and, as he said in Fierce Grace, to a place of contentment and self-acceptance.
The title of this blog, Beingtherenow, is an homage to Ram Dass that I set adrift in the online ocean without explanation. It seemed, and still seems, that even referring to his work, Be Here Now in a blog title was just so big a thing to do. Like trying to explain the ineffable. Yet his work informs every aspect of my life as I live it today; it helped me to realize that I could, in a literal sense, go home again. In a very tangible way, I am resting in the being there now place I always longed for–and so, the title remains, a thank you to him. And now, after many years, I set my small story of an ineffable moment with Ram Dass adrift in this little canoe for any who may happen onto it.
In a way I have known Ram Dass since I was a child. I was alive in the sixties and remember seeing black and white images of Timothy Leary and Richard Alpert on the nightly news. I wanted to be older–to be part of the Summer of Love and the feelings of freedom and new thought I sensed around me. The Civil Rights Movement, environmentalism, women’s movement, and the spiritual revolution Ram Dass brought to America informed my early life. So when I found Be Here Now on the streets of Manhattan in the nineties, I already knew it though I had never read it. I don’t think it is possible to describe the experience of reading Be Here Now. Every time I read Be Here Now, it is a different book. Each time, I am certain an image or page I am seeing was not there before. It seems to exist, as we all do, in an ever-changing eternal present.
Years intervened between that first reading. Years, as in everyone’s life, of happiness and sadness, heights and depths. Grist for the Mill.
I was emerging from a particularly dark time after a lengthy period of care-taking when I picked up Be Here Now again. And that experience–the book was all new! I stared at the brown pages, reading and re-reading. In the “Cook Book” section were methods to help me move through and past the sadness and turmoil I had been experiencing. I remember thinking, “I wonder if Ram Dass is still alive.” I didn’t know he had suffered a severe stroke; my life had moved past and now circled back. It seemed instantly, there was a short television program showing Ram Dass speaking slowly. I searched for him online and found his online Satsang; it was my first experience of a social network. This was 2009.
The following year I attended an Open Your Heart in Paradise retreat on Maui with Ram Dass, Krishna Das, Sharon Saltzberg, and the dedicated members of the Love Serve Remember Foundation. Because my husband and I combined the retreat with a twenty-fifth anniversary trip and spent two weeks on Maui, we stayed in Lahaina rather than at the resort where the retreat was held and I day-tripped over to the retreat for five days. I could write much about this experience, but this is not the time. Today, I want to try to describe one moment.
Mindfulness involves witnessing our “stuff”–our responses, our reactions, emotions, jealousies, joys–all the dharma drama that makes up our lives. Witnessing allows us to remember that we are something other than our thinking and doing. It allows us to step back into being. I had been working with this and with surrendering resistance pretty deeply, and at the retreat, while I wanted to descend into bliss, the gift I received (a very Ram Dass kind of gift) was the gift of more witnessing–especially of my inner introvert and needy child. Oh boy, as Ram Dass would say. There was a lot of grist for the mill there.
On perhaps day two, I realized I desperately wanted a photo with Ram Dass and felt too shy to just go get one. Now, Ram Dass had his photo taken with everyone and seemed to love doing it. This was only an issue in my own mind. I witnessed my monkey mind running all over the cage with it, “How could I be so petty; needy; silly? Just go and get the picture taken!” Ram Dass was everywhere, hugging everyone, enjoying everyone. I had received my hug and darshan of “boy oh boy.” What was my problem?
Finally I mentioned this to a friend involved in all aspects, Satsang; we laughingly agreed it would happen somehow, someway. The morning moved into a profound meditation led by Sharon Salzberg. The breezes drifted into the room which settled into a deep stillness. At some point, I heard my mind say, “This is so good. I don’t need a picture–just this.” It was a profound, yet, so easy, moment of surrender–of opening.
After meditation we all went about our day. The waves lapped, whales were spotted, the air was warm and perfect, people played in the ocean, there was much laughter. And then it was time for the evening meal. I don’t remember how I came to be sitting at that particular table, or what I was eating. I was sitting with my friend who was the person I knew best, and who is beloved by so many.
Dropping out of Time
I looked up from where I was sitting to see Ram Dass in his wheel chair being pushed toward me. Here the experience becomes difficult to describe. It seemed that I and the entire room dropped out of time as the moment expanded to encompass everything. I had a physical sensation of plummeting even as I was perfectly aware of my place in the room, sitting in my chair watching Ram Dass coming to sit beside me. It all happened in the eternal slowness of an instant.
My friend smiled, whispered for me to get up and stand beside Ram Dass and snapped a picture; it happened quickly and he was not ready with his usual gleaming smile. The original, I hope, is on a hard drive somewhere. I cherish this version which was resized as I shared it and shows us pixelated–it looks just about exactly as I felt in that beneficent, time-shattered moment.
During the rest of the evening meal, we talked about food as people do. I gave up my seat to someone else when I had finished and went outside to sit in the beautiful, velvety darkness where time waited to return to its normal running. It waited for quite some time. Ram Dass probably never knew the profundity that moment held for me. Had he known, he would have said it was Maharajji’s lila, and so it was.
A teaching of love, and humor, surrender, and the absolute fullness of each eternal, ineffable moment.
Sub ek.
Many free teachings as well as books by Ram Dass and opportunities to donate to Ram Dass’ work are available at Ramdass.org and the Love, Serve, Remember Foundation.
Namaste–
We are all just walking each other home–Ram Dass
Do you have experiences with Ram Dass or his teachings? Share a comment below–I would love to hear them.